What Have I Become?
by ShaneYyYyy
Summary: What would Harry have been like if Voldemort spared his mother, father and twin brother that fateful night... being left behind by those who are supposed to you does have a very bad effect on ones mentality. a rather unstable Harry. QUITE GRAPHIC CONTENT! RATE M FOR A REASON!
1. Prologue

**Hey Guys, so this will be the first ever time I'm posting a fanfic... Hope you guy enjoy! **

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><p>"Lily, he's here, grab Harry and Bastian and run."<p>

"Step aside you foolish mudblood whore."

Green and red light, and then… darkness

This was all Harry could remember from his vague dreams, although Harry felt as if these dreams were important, it was almost as if these dreams meant something more. They did, but Harry just didn't know that yet.

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><p>Harry Potter was a… pretty average boy; he had blackish red hair, and wore the ugliest glasses that hid his shining emerald eyes. Harry also had a sort of "<em>posh" <em>look to him, if only he didn't dress up in rags that looked as if they were made for a person almost six times his weight and size, and the fact that he was severely abused and malnourished.

Harry Potter had never had a pleasant life, but it was all he was used to. He was used to being unloved, he was used to being starved and beaten, he was used to receiving nothing from his good for nothing relatives. Although he didn't realize it yet, Harry Potter was no ordinary person. Harry Potter was a legend, being the icon of many different races, the subject of many different prophecies, Harry Potter, was destined, to change this world.

Now Harry Potter's relatives were the foulest, most disgusting sort of people that ever graced this earth. Vernon Dursley, who was a huge obese man who weighed, must have been about, four hundred and fifty pounds, and he had a full head of greyish blonde hair, while his wife, Petunia Dursley, who was a skinny woman, with horse like features (No offense to all the horse lovers out there) and scruffy brown hair, now given the combination… Dudley Dursley was the worst of them all, he was a boy that, much like his father, was obese, and he weighed nearly one hundred and fifty pounds, and had blonde hair and he loved bullying people, too bad poor little Dudley wouldn't live long enough to be included in this story.

Maybe we should rewind this story a bit, and then you might understand it a little bit better. Harry James Potter was born on the 1st of August 1980 at exactly one minute passed twelve o'clock, being the youngest twin born to James Charlus and Lillian Lee Potter. Harry was immediately, since birth, second best to his brother, only because he wasn't the Heir of the family, but he would have been able to handle that, but after that fateful day… he lost it all.

_Lord_ Thomas Marvolo _Voldemort_ Riddle-Gaunt, self-proclaimed Dark Lord, had successfully broken through the wards on Potter Cottage on the 31st of October 1981, and thus permanently altered young Harry James Potter's life, where he set a series of acts into motion.

Harry grabbed the chain around his neck that held the crucifix that was dangling off his necklace in his hand and snapped it off his neck before throwing it onto the ground. He was done praying for a miracle, he was done waiting for a Good Samaritan to take him away from the Dursleys, and he was done trying to please any type of God or whoever… he was DONE.

Harry would always, since he was like four years old he would, on his birthday, wait until the early hours of dawn and pretend that an unknown relative had finally found him and he was missed, but unfortunately Harry had no such luck. He was pretty fucked, for lack of better wording.

Harry would dream that one day he would find a missing relative, well one that didn't come from the same line as the Dursleys, who would care for him and who would guide him… but what happens when Harry's hate turned into something else? One can only take so much and still be psychological fit before finally losing his cool.

Harry James Potter was now… dead… or would have been dead if he existed in the first place.

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><p>"He's such a demented little freak isn't he Vernon? Why don't you take him to be exorcised? Why did you say his parents left him, because they realized that he was a fucking good for nothing freak, or because they were good for nothing?"<p>

…

The tension in the air was literally so thick that it would have been able to be cut with a knife… a butchers knife. There was a saying that went a little something like this; if you can't beat them, join them, and that was just what the Dursleys' would be doing… joining the rest of the filthy godforsaken muggles like them in the rightful place where they belong…

**_…_****_Dead…_**

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><p>Harry had finally had enough of their shit; he was finally done with them, once and for all. Harry had finally got the last push he needed, before he fell off the cliff… Harry crept out of his cupboard, door creaking softly, while he made his way to the all too familiar kitchen where Harry reached the island counter and opened the top drawer which contained all the knives. Harry took the biggest and sharpest knife he could find.<p>

It was a three inch wide, five inch long, sharp butchers knife. Harry, knife in hand, started climbing the many stairs to the second floor, where he first made his way to his oh-so-lovely cousins room, where he took the key out of the backside of the door, and locked his cousin in his room, saving the best for last.

He then went to the guest room which housed Vernon whore of a sister, Marge Dursley, and her 'thorough bred' excuse for a dog, Ripper. Harry would love to hear her scream, but he wouldn't have enough time to get rid of his favorite uncle… Uncle Vernon was going to get special treatment; oh Harry was going to enjoy seeing that fat pig squeal and writhe in a pool of his own blood, a lot like Vernon did to Harry.

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><p>Petunia quickly shuffled off to 'freshen up' for Vernon after Vernon started telling her about his latest 'episode' with Harry. She excused herself before Vernon got to the 'juicy' parts. What she didn't know was, that Harry had other plans for her tonight…<p>

Harry silently crept into the bathroom where Petunia was busy putting on her 'sexy' lacy underwear. Harry silently walked towards her back, before closing the door behind him, locking it.

"My, my, Petunia, surely Vernon can wait. After all… till death do we part and all. I'm sure I won't be the one to tear your union apart… I'll gladly send Vernon along shortly." Harry said in an emotionless voice, his eyes void of any emotion.

Petunia dropped her toothbrush and immediately swung around to face Harry. She turned white and chalky immediately. She knew that nature was sorting itself out… she knew that she wouldn't make it out of the bathroom. She knew that she was going to be slaughtered like the pig she was. That didn't mean that she wouldn't try to worm her way out of it though.

"H… Harry, after all we've done for you. Y… you would… wouldn't just _KILL_ us, now would you? We gave you food from Dudley. We always tried to give you the best we could. Please don't kill me."

By now Petunia was already crying. Harry felt nothing, if a bit irritated by her pleading. Petunia had obviously never learnt that you couldn't change somebodies mind... when it was already made. Petunia set her destiny in stone the day she reluctantly took in her sister's unwanted scrap.

"Why, Petunia… if you tried, than I would never be the way I am today. I actually have to thank you and Vernon for the way I turned out. I'm actually quite glad that I'm not as weak minded as you. For that, I will kill you quick."

As Harry said that, he lunged for her throat with the knife in hand, and he struck her Carotid Artery, repeatedly stabbing her neck. He was covered in blood from head to toe, while Petunia was still breathing, unfortunately. But Harry had a better idea; he took the knife and sliced her throat from ear to ear. For his age, running away from Dudley had made him unbelievably fast and it had also made him somewhat unforgiving…

Harry waited, soaked in blood, until Petunia started jerking and the sparkle left her eyes, leaving stone cold, murky hazel eyes, before moving onto his next victim.

_Marge Dursley._

**_Poor Ripper was about to get ripped…_**

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><p>Harry crept into Marge's room with a smile on his face; he was finally letting the beast go, the monster inside of him, his dark side, Harry was finally embracing his inner darkness and letting go of his inner demons. Harry was reclaiming his sanity… his way.<p>

Knife in hand he approached Marge's bed and prodded her awake with the back-end of the knife;

"Wake up Margery, the Freak requests and audience with you."

Marge almost started to scream when Harry, in a fit of the limited magic he knew, cast a silencing spell on the room around them. If Harry wasn't feeling a slight insane at the moment he would have actually laughed at the look on Marge's face.

"Ah, I forgot to mention that nobody can hear you. You know what you always said; inbred pups and weak pups should be drowned… I think I should start with you, don't you think so Marge? Imagine a day when the world is rid of people like you. _If there's something wrong with the bitch… than there's something wrong with the pup… _now now now, I'll be sure to tell inky dinky little diddidinkums that his auntie-goo says goodbye, it's more than you deserve, maybe I should bury Ripper with you? Is that a good idea?"

"F… F… Freak! When I get out of here I will be letting Vernon know what you do, especially with his kind, generous heart-"

Harry abruptly interrupted Marge with roaring laughter; "Generous heart… maybe that should be the first thing I cut out." Harry said with a thoughtful look (or was it a look of utter insanity?) on his face.

Marge was on the verge of literally shitting herself, if it wasn't for the fact that she wouldn't let _the freak_ get the satisfaction from watching her, a forty-two year old woman, have an _accident_. Harry didn't have much more time to waste on her so he was swift when he used magic to knock her down, where he started stabbing her on the top of the head, once Harry saw she was barely alive, he plunged the knife into her throat. Blood was pouring from her throat and her neck as a line of blood formed around her lips.

Harry then looked at the half conscious bulldog, before he put the blade just under the collar by the dogs throat, and slid the blade in, giving poor old Ripper, a quiet and peaceful death.

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><p>Harry bent and pulled the knife out of Rippers throat and wiped it clean on his, already, blood-soaked shirt. Three down… two to go. Harry was starting to get hasty so he decided to do Vernon next. Harry crept out of the late Marge Dursley's room, before unlocking Vernon and his late aunt's bedroom.<p>

"Petty, is that you? I was starting to get worried about you-… what the fuck do you think you are doing here freak? Isn't it enough that we feed you, now we have to put up with your freakish behavior too? I never signed up for this, your freakish parents just chucked you here…"

**_"You are going to tell me every last thing you know about James and Lily Potter…"_**

"Or else what Freak?"

Harry pulled out the knife, which was still covered in Marge's and Ripper's blood mind you, and gave Vernon a cold, blood freezing, heart clenching smile.

"All that I know is…"


	2. Chapter 1: Getting rid of Dead Weight

Lily Evans Potter was the proud mother of two beautiful, powerful and important of all happy babies… operational word being _WAS. _It was only a day after the attack on her house, which claimed the lives of her best friend and sister, Alexis Jasmine Black (nee Evans) who, contrary to popular belief, was actually a witch and not a muggle, like everybody else was adamant to believe. But Lily never felt the stabbing pain of losing her sister… but being famous was almost like a drug, she forgot everything about her 'previous life', and by previous life I mean she forgot about everybody except James and her little son, the boy-who-lived, but now…

One morning she woke up and remembered that she had another child, another mouth to feed, another _insignificant_ human. A squib, nobody in the this world of _hers_, the only person that she could think of to take care of her- the child was her muggle sister, Petunia, who would probably be more able to look after an abnormality like Harry.

And so it happened, Lily took the towel from her en-suite bathroom and wrapped _him_ in the towel; which according to her was too good for the _abnormality _which _WAS_ her son. She then went back into her room to to quickly write a letter, and when I say quickly I literally mean like within under a minute, shoving the letter in an envelope and putting it under the _child's _shirt.

James walked in to find a frantic Lily trying to calm the _squib_ down.

"Flower, what are you doing with _IT?" _James asked, rather appalled that his Lily-Flower was touching _IT_.

"Jamie, I think I know what would be best for our family. I think that sending Harry- I mean _IT_ to Petunia would be a good idea; I mean Petunia would be able to look after _IT_ better than us and she would be able to provide _IT_ with a future. What would you and I, the Lord and Lady of an Ancient Magical House, do with a disgrace like that?"

The Lily Evans of two years ago would never in her life look down on the New and 'Improved' Lillian Lee Potter. Even the best of people fold under the pressure of publicity, and Lily was all too comfortable in her new life… being addressed as _Lady Potter_, being married to her dream husband, having the perfect child (obviously not Harry), living in a mansion in the countryside… what more could a girl want?

Lily used to dream of this type of life when she was younger, but after she realized that in the magical world she would never get very far, being a muggleborn, until James appeared… giving her a grand opening into the magical world. The Potters arranged for Lily to be blood adopted by an old pureblood family that never had children, thus cancelling out her 'impure' blood and making her a 'pureblood' in theory.

Lily Potter arrived on the front porch of Number Four Privet Drive with a telltale 'pop' that signaled apparition, a magical type of transportation. Lily, with baby in arms, knocked on the door and waited a few seconds, before a beefy fat man answered the door.

"Whatever you got, we aren't buying." Vernon said in an almost perfected precision.

"Oh my, Vernon, don't you recognize me? Lily Evans, Tunia's sister."

Vernon pulled a chameleon on himself and immediately turned a horrible shade of pink, then purple, then blue and finally something that resembled green. He grabbed Lily by the wrist and thrust her into the house hoping that the neighbors didn't see hide or hair of his freakish sister-in-law.

"Well, freak, what do you want? Did your good for nothing husband finally come to his senses and kick you out? Because this is definitely not a social call, now is it?" Petunia Evans always had a sharp tongue, even when she was a child, and she never held back or bit her tongue, oh heavens no, she spoke her mind when and where she liked.

"I've come to ask you a… favor. As you know, or don't know, I had twins and one of them was born like you, normal. And we can't keep him in our world, he would be an outcast and he would be shunned for what he is." Lily pleaded with Petunia.

Petunia looked as if she was mentally debating with herself. She weighed out the pro's and con's and the only good thing she could think of was using Harry as a valid reason for a Tax Write Off, stating that they needed all the money that they could get, seeing that their demented nephew had to get very expensive meds. Petunia grabbed the child from Lily's grip and looked her in the eyes.

"**_Mark my words Lillian; I will treat this child like the scum his parents are. I will take out all my frustrations out on this child and he will grow to hate you and your choices. All I can hope is that he commits suicide before he becomes anything like his disgraceful parents. _**Now get out of my house before I call the police."

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><p>"Very touching story Vernon. If I had a slight bit of conscience, I might have let you live… but you are one too many ties to my previous life. I am your judge, your jury and your attorney. Vernon Joshua Dursley, I find you guilty of various cases of child abuse, various attempted murder charges and child extortion, and I hereby sentence you to death on the twenty-fourth of July Nineteen Ninety One at precisely One Fifty-two in the morning, any final words Mister Vernon Joshua Dursley, of Number Four Privet Drive, Little Whining, Surrey, before I act upon my verdict?"<p>

"Please spare Dudley, he never did anything. I'm sorry for the life you had to live…"

Harry lunged at him, stabbing him in the neck again and again, repeatedly. Vernon, at first looked shocked, but then he finally made peace with his verdict. He was a dead man the minute he first laid his fat fingers on Harry. Blood was pouring from his neck and Harry was in no particular rush to get up.

Harry went to his late aunt and late uncle's cupboard and went to the all too familiar safe, where he knew Vernon and Petunia always hid their wallets and purses at night, apparently they were hiding them from the 'freaks' reach, but everybody else knew what was going on… they were actually hiding their money from Dudley, who had already started stealing when he was around about six years old.

Harry opened the door and quickly located the safe's keys from under his aunt's underwear (very original hiding place) and put the key in the safe's door. After unlocking the safe, Harry found that there was far more than he expected. Harry took out a box with what seemed to be old paper and put it down on the ground to inspect later. Harry took as many hundred pound notes as his pockets could stuff in and he continued to search the safe until, at the far back, he found his uncle's .45 Magnum Pistol, which he held cautiously in his hand, feeling the weight of the gun, this might come in handy some or other time.

Harry grabbed one of his uncles hiking backpacks, which were only used once mind you, and started stuffing everything he stole into it. He saved the box with the old paper for last, and carefully put it on top of his aunt's jewelry box, which was on top of the money he stole with the gun. Harry was leaving tonight… _come hell or high water_ but by the end of tonight he would no longer be a resident of Number Four Privet Drive.

It was then that Harry got up off the floor an hour later and decided to leave poor ickle Duddikins for a few more years until Harry could get at least a bit of fun out of him. Harry made no effort to muffle his footsteps anymore. Harry walked to Dudley's room, where he unlocked the door and went inside the room.

Dudley was up in no time, and Harry looked at him with no emotion or facial expression. Dudley looked horrified. Call it a change of heart if you will, Harry was not about to refuse a dead man his wish… Harry would give Dudley a fair chance of redemption.

"You have until the eve of your fourteenth birthday to prove your worth to me Dudley Vernon Dursley. I will always be watching you. Farewell my cousin. Remember one thing for future reference… I am your judge, your jury, your attorney and your executioner…"

Harry turned on his heel and left the room, leaving a very horrified Dudley Dursley in his room, pondering what his cousin meant with his last wiped the blood from the knife off on his shirt while he was walking to his cupboard- I mean room, to change into his best _Sunday_ clothing, he couldn't go out looking like a he had just murdered somebody… Harry put on the only clothing that the Dursleys bought for him that were actually new. Every year they would buy him one new outfit that was solely meant for church since they couldn't have the freak going to church looking like the antichrist… _What would the neighbors say?_

Harry made his way out of the front door with absolutely no reluctance. He was finally free of the weight of the Dursleys' and he was going to the first place he ever he wanted to go to... London.

**SO PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK**


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